


To Live

by Emriel



Series: Jenova's Call [19]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Death, Denial, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Innocence, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Temptation, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24851326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/pseuds/Emriel
Summary: Set after the tragic event where Zack Fair dies after facing Shinra's battalion in an effort to return to Aerith and protect Cloud.Ever wonder how Cloud manages to make it back to Midgar alive, with his severely damaged mind while his body was still suffering from the after effects of Mako Poisoning?
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Series: Jenova's Call [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786561
Comments: 2
Kudos: 98





	To Live

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still sad because I finished Crisis Core.

He was lying there. Covered in red. His body had holes. He wasn’t moving much.

Just looked tired. Maybe he was about to sleep too?

He crawled to him. Because that was all he could do.

“...Zack?”

"For the... both of us..."

"Both... of us?"

Cloud was just watching him. Like he always did. He was waiting for Zack to smile. Like he always did.

"That's right... you're gonna..."

Zack kept stopping.

"You're gonna..."

And Zack reached out to him, and pressed him on his chest.

"Live."

Cloud felt his eyes widen. Against a bloody chest.

"You'll be... my living legacy."

And Zack's hand just fell.

Cloud stared at him. Waiting. Watching.

"My honor, my dreams,"

There was a sword... Zack was handing it to him. His precious sword.

"They're yours now."

And Cloud understood.

"I'm your living... legacy."

Because even if the words have lost their meaning, they helped reopen fragments of scattered memories.

Someone was screaming.

And it was raining.

The smell of blood. Everywhere.

No matter how much he called to Zack, even in his head, he would not respond.

Zack stopped moving.

So Zack was... dead.

That much he knew.

And he looked up to the heavens and cried.

* * *

Zack was dead.

He sat next to the body, remembering, one by one… the bits and pieces that were clear. Zack’s smiling face as they rode the yellow van saying, “We’re almost there Spikey.”

Smiling at him and getting him to talk even though he was unresponsive for days, to do something simple, to say his name.

“Za…”

Encouraging Cloud to move, even just a little, to stay awake, despite Cloud wanting to just sleep forever. The pain in his body and mind made it difficult to even breathe at times.

“I swore to Angeal. I’ll be a hero. That’s my dream. And I’m going to protect you, Cloud. So just hang in there.”

In the disjointed part of his mind, he once stopped referring to himself as a person. The way the researchers probed his body, treated him like an object and called him a specimen, a monster that can start hearing voices not his own. All he could hold on to was his friend’s smiling face. He kept saying his name. “Cloud. Cloud. Cloud.”

"I won't do anything like abandon you. We're friends, right?"

Breaking them out. Dressing him. Cleaning him. Feeding him.

Killing for him.

"Mercenaries. Cloud. That's what you an' me are gonna be."

Dreams of coming back together...

“Live.”

Those blue eyes were warm. Through Zack’s slow and patient actions, he learned little by little. To nod. To shake his head. To call out to him when he needed him.

And when at last, he could speak his name. He was dead.

All the memories.

Why.

How Zack fought, for the two of them.

Why?

Cloud stood up and started dragging the sword away.

"Thank you. I won't forget."

He turned away. "Good night. Zack."

* * *

But the promise... was almost impossible to keep.

It was easy to walk and drag the sword. It was heavy. The sensation was almost pleasant but his palms hurt. ~~He wished he could drag Zack too.~~

It was simple. It was aimless. But maybe, someone will tell him what to do.

It was better than dreaming of poisonous green. In his dreams, there was a voice. And the green felt warm.

Oh, he had almost forgotten about _him_.

His silent companion.

A friend from the depths of his mind. When he felt like breaking, the voice said he wouldn't. With certainty. The other person felt like _family_. _Older Brother_? ~~Master?~~

_E V E R Y T H I N G_

_**G** _

**_O_ **

**_D_ **

**_¿?!_ **

_**~~NeverforgetwhoyouaremyPuppet~~ ** _

Cloud didn’t understand. The static was too loud. His head felt heavier than the sword. Hands pressed against his skull wishing he could.

Stop the pain.

He stumbled and fell. His face pressing on the mud.

“Zack?”

~~Maybe he’ll see Zack again…?~~

* * *

Cloud didn’t know how long he had closed his eyes, but he was scared when he saw fires. ~~From his hometown?~~

It was burning. ~~And it reminded him of?~~ Something painful… Cloud didn’t know. He could recall faces, but no names. The white lab coats. The metal scalpels that glinted and how it could **easily** _cut_ through his skin.

He was looking back, and hoping. ~~But Zack wasn’t going to smile back at him again.~~

The sword was heavy. And even when he wanted to leave it behind him because he was so tired, his own fingers wouldn’t let go.

* * *

He stood up from the mud, and started again. Stumbling, falling, moving forward.

His boots and pants were stained with mud.

Cloud tried to remember who he really was, but it was difficult, and he had many questions. Why did his chest hurt so much?

And then.

Monsters. Three of them. He was surrounded. Cloud used the sword for the first time, surprised that he could swing it around with ease.

But when he was bit on the shoulder, it hurt so he screamed. And kicked. And punched.

With what strength he had, he defended himself.

Succeeded.

And the monsters lay twitching. Then all movement stopped just like—

He was scared.

Panting. It was just like. The piles of dead bodies…

Then, they started disappearing, fading. Cloud wondered if he'd soon disappear too. ~~But he had to live because someone told him to.~~

“...someone… anyone? Help… please.”

Words were coming out, and it was becoming difficult to breathe.

And he leaned against the sword to his side. Panicking.

And then a voice. Dark. And familiar. Calling out his name from the void.

**_Cloud?_ **

There was no one around him. And it was just like in the labs, where he heard voices in his head.

**_Is it painful, Cloud?_ **

_Yes._

**_Do you want me to help you?_ **

_Please…_

**_You let ~~Zack~~ die._ **

_Don’t say his name. Don’t. I can’t._

**_You promised him you won’t forget, Cloud._ **

And Cloud was staring at the face of a familiar man who was smiling at him, descending from the heavens. He soon wrapped his arms around Cloud and Cloud just let him.

It was comforting.

“I let him die. I’m not strong enough.”

His lips moved against the stranger’s chest.

“If you want me to help you, beg for it.” Gloved hands were running through his hair, down his back and Cloud sank into the embrace.

Cloud looked up, and tried to remember why this stranger was so familiar. Silver hair. Green eyes. His hero. He grew up, watching him. Wanting to be like him. Cloud whispered, “Sephiroth,”

“Please, help me? Please… I don’t know what to do.”

“Are you sure, you don’t know?”

“I couldn’t help him,” and Cloud pressed his hands on his eyes, rubbing away at the tears.

“I know. I was watching. You stayed hidden because _**Zack** _told you so. You obeyed him and you lived. It’s not your fault, puppet.”

Cloud’s body shook. And his hands let go of the hilt of the buster sword. Choosing to hold on instead to Sephiroth who was _real_. Cloud’s hands came to rest at the man’s hips. Feeling, touching, wondering if he was merely dreaming again because he needed an anchor. Something to hold on to. "Puppet?"

Sephiroth smiled, “You are of no use to me like this. I will take your pain away, but in return, I want you to become stronger. I want you to remember how much you _hate_ me.”

Cloud shook his head, saying, “I don’t… hate you. You were there… in my dreams. Always. You told me not to break.”

“I did. You were so lonely. Hurt. You kept calling out to me, crying for help. You needed me. And in your weakest moment, I was the only strength you had. Not _Zack_.”

It was hell. The void that would not let him wake. Unable to breathe. Drowning in green. A point where he desperately wanted to die. Or for someone save him. And _he_ came.

Sephiroth smiled encouragingly, “You know that you must hate me or you will never grow. Will you run away and cower in fear again, unable to protect those that matter to you the most? Those you cherish will die, one by one, all by my hand. You will not be able to stop me, because that is what destiny asks of us...”

Sephiroth’s voice was echoing inside his mind and Cloud felt a burgeoning headache. His knees grew weak and if it were not for the body holding him up, he would have just fallen again.

“If you cannot fight me, then perhaps I should take you now. I will have you serve me, to entertain me for all eternity.”

Cloud didn’t know what to say. Did he want to grow stronger, or did he just want to stay with Sephiroth. ~~Zack told him to live.~~

“If you take me, will I die?”

Sephiroth looked down on him in quiet amusement.

“No, you will live forever as you are, weak. But don’t worry, I will protect you.”

At this, Cloud pushed himself away. Horrified blue green eyes with slit pupils staring back at Sephiroth. He didn't want to go through it again.

“Then… then I’d rather be strong.”

Sephiroth prowled and appeared behind him, hands around his waist. Sephiroth's voice was so soft but Cloud could hear it clearly, “Why does being mine upset you?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. So please.”

Something in Sephiroth's expressions curved into slow satisfaction. "Is that so?"

Cloud just nodded, closing his eyes. "Yes."

Sephiroth nuzzled against his hair. “You poor thing, it will be _another_ painful journey.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want you to hurt like _he_ did.”

“So innocent.” Sephiroth was pleased and Cloud could feel the echo of it.

And Cloud felt the world turn into a static monochrome. And then, he felt as if nails were shredding his head. Something was seeping inside it, scrambling what little he knew…

“Then let me soothe the pain and grant you the nightmare.”

Everything burns.

Cloud Strife remembers the scorching fires of Nibelheim and simmers with hate. He buries Zack Fair so deep in his psyche, melds into him, and kills what he thought was a weakness. Putting bandages on top of bandages, covering barely healed wounds, all in an effort to grow stronger.

And with a smile, he hefts the buster sword confidently on his back. The start of a life led with lies and half truths...

“My name is Cloud. SOLDIER. First Class.”


End file.
